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Query Letters

Look at the difference between an early letter and my last one for Eight of Swords:

Dear Donald Maass:

"The next time you play Pin the Tail on the Donkey, watch out for the kick."

That's the last piece of advice that Warren Ritter gives to Frank Wellington. Warren Ritter is a manic-depressive, burnt-out, ex-radical, who make his living reading Tarot cards on Berkeley's Telegraph Avenue. He is much more cynical and caustic than New Age. Frank Wellington kidnaps one of Warren's clients and then murders the girl's mother. He tries to pin the homicide on Warren. Warren tracks down and traps the killer, with the help of Max, an expensive, taciturn, Hispanic detective, Sally, an attractive, paraplegic hacker, and Rose, his eccentric and forthright therapist.

The Eight of Swords is a novel about an amateur sleuth who sets out to solve a kidnapping and a murder. After facing down the killer, Warren has to face down his own dark side. He has been running from intimacy for thirty years. He finally decides to stop, and make his stand.

This is the first in the series of Warren Ritter mysteries. It runs 65,000 words. Painful secrets about Ritter's past as a guerilla combatant in the Weather Underground will emerge over time in these books.

My first book was nonfiction, (Working Clean and Sober, Hazelden, 2000). I was a part of the radical left of the '60's. I studied the esoteric dimension of the Tarot. And I did psychotherapy with several varieties of Warren Ritter, although none with quite his odd sense of humor.

I am not submitting my manuscript to any other agent or editor until I hear back from you. I read your book, Writing the Breakout Novel and your interview in the April 2002 Writer's Digest. I think you're the best agent in the business for this kind of book. I would be happy to send you either a partial or a complete manuscript. A SASE is enclosed for your convenience.

Sincerely,
David Skibbins




And my last pre-contest winning query:

Dear Mr. Marshall:

Have you yearned to walk away and leave your messy life behind you? Did you ever imagine just getting on a bus or jumping on a motorcycle and riding off into the sunset?

The Eight of Swords is a 64,000-word amateur mystery novel about what happens when Easy Rider turns fifty.

Warren Ritter has been fleeing from messes for thirty years. He began his run in the Sixties when he was a leader in the radical Weather Underground. This lifelong road trip comes to a shattering halt on the streets of Berkeley, California. Warren is comfortably settled into a weekend job as a Tarot card reader when a kidnapper and killer frames him for murder. Warren reaches out for help from Sally McLaughlin, a paraplegic hacker, and then falls in love with her. His manic depressive cycles become more acute. What unfolds from there is a quest in the pursuit of justice in which Warren must leave sanity behind and plunge over the edge into brilliant madness in order to catch a hit man, save his own life, and redeem his heart.

Anne Perry (English author of the Superintendent Pitt and Inspector Monk mystery series) read the manuscript and said, "I enjoyed your book. You have crafted together a good story and told it well. Plenty of atmosphere and I cared what happened to the characters!" P. J. Coldren is the first-round judge for the 2004 St. Martin's Press Malice Domestic contest. When he sent this book on to be a finalist in this year's contest he wrote, "The Eight of Swords has a detective with an unusual occupation, and an interesting history. I found the motivations to be believable, the main character to be complex, and the story not quite what I expected at the beginning." This novel should appeal to fans of mysteries set in a contemporary setting who like the acerbic wit of Janet Evanovich or Robert Parker. It features an amateur detective that is rabidly anti-corporate, highly literate, and delightfully cynical.

My first published book was nonfiction, (Working Clean and Sober, Hazelden, 2000). I was an organizer of antiwar draft resistance during the Vietnam War. I've practiced psychotherapy in the Berkeley area for twenty years. I'm a professor at John F. Kennedy University, and enjoy public speaking. I'm a member of the Mystery Writers of America, and The Author's Guild. The second book in the series of Warren Ritter novels will be completed by July 2004.

As you may have guessed by the structure of this letter, I am a follower of the Marshall Plan. That is why you are one of the first agents I am querying. Thank you for your excellent advice. I would like to send you my manuscript and I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,
David Skibbins




And of course my winning query:

Dear Ms. Jackson:

My novel, The Eight of Swords just won the St. Martin's Press Malice Domestic award for 2004. This means they will publish it next year. They will be sending me a contract soon. I am looking for an agent to represent me. Earlier this year your agency read my query and was interested in my book. You invited me to resubmit a 90,000-word manuscript. Winning this contest allows me the rare luxury of reconnecting with agents who might have passed on this book. There is only one person I have on my "A" list, and that is you.

I am the first man to win Malice Domestic. I believe that is, in part, because of my strong and unconventional women characters. The Eight of Swords is a 64,000-word amateur mystery novel. The book's protagonist, Warren Ritter has been fleeing from responsibility for thirty years. He began his run in the Sixties when he was a leader in the radical Weather Underground. This lifelong road trip comes to a shattering halt on the streets of Berkeley, California, when a kidnapper and killer frames him for murder. Warren reaches out for help from Sally McLaughlin, a paraplegic hacker, and then falls in love with her. His manic depressive cycles become more acute, and he ignores the no-nonsense advice from his therapist, Rose Janeworth. What unfolds from there is a quest in the pursuit of justice. Warren must leave sanity behind and plunge over the edge into brilliant madness in order to catch a hit man, rescue a not-so-innocent teenage client, save his own life, and redeem his heart.

Anne Perry (English author of the Superintendent Pitt and Inspector Monk mystery series) read the manuscript and said, "I enjoyed your book. You have crafted together a good story and told it well. Plenty of atmosphere and I cared what happened to the characters!"

My first published book was nonfiction, (Working Clean and Sober, Hazelden, 2000). I was an organizer of antiwar draft resistance during the Vietnam War. I've practiced psychotherapy in the Berkeley area for twenty years. I'm a professor at John F. Kennedy University, and enjoy public speaking. I'm a member of the Mystery Writers of America, Sisters in Crime and The Author's Guild. The second book in the series of Warren Ritter novels, The High Priestess, will be completed by Aug. 2004.

Evan Marshall has had my book for several months, but has not yet made a decision about representing it. I would far prefer for you to be my agent. I am not querying, or re-querying him or any other agent until I hear from you. Please contact me (email is best) and let me know if you are interested. If you are I will ship a manuscript to you overnight. With my contract from St. Martin's on its way, your prompt response will be appreciated. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,
David Skibbins


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Malice Domestic